Rest, Productivity, and Your Sobriety
When I think back to the way I used to approach “being productive” and it’s counterpart— rest, it was something like this (tell me if any of this seems familiar to you):
Back before I came to sobriety, I often felt an underlying urgent sense of internal pressure to be productive.
Not because I wanted to, but because of the judge. I imagined some unknown observer from the outside looking in at my life, judging me.
I sought approval from this mysterious “other”, which would sound something like:
She is doing a good job at being human, because she is productive.
Look at her— doing her household chores, making food, taking care of her belongings, preparing for work, doing her work. She’s okay.
But all of this “productivity” was me compensating for my compulsive use of alcohol and weed.
I felt like I had to keep going until I had that first glass of wine, or that first hit. Only then was I like “Ahhh, now I can relax. I mean, how could anyone expect me to be productive now? I’m drinking/high!”
Drinking/drug use was the only way I knew to quiet the inner voice that felt guilty about rest.
And I don’t think I’m the only one. We live in a society that is not only productivity obsessed, but productivity as a source of stress.
In our modern times, when you say “I feel like I should be doing something productive” what do you really mean by that?
Now we have managers giving us deadlines for deliverables, but centuries ago, we knew it was time to make soap for laundry when you’d saved up enough grease from cooking. It was time to harvest when the fruit was ripe.
Now that the definition of “productive” is up for debate, how do you decide things like: What really needs to be done in a day? How do you know it’s time to do it? How do you know when you’ve done enough for the day?
And how can you quiet that inner voice yelling at you to be productive— without the use of alcohol/substances—and let yourself rest, guilt-free?
One of the most important mindset shifts and skills that we have the privilege to learn in sobriety is knowing:
When to rest
How to rest your body, mind, and spirit in a way that is truly rejuvenating
(And on a bigger-picture scale, how do you create a balanced life where you are keeping things simple enough to not exist on that knife-edge of anxiety?)
Barriers to Rest
The biggest barrier to rest is your internal belief system.
My mother showed me that a woman’s job is to cook and clean, and sacrifice for others at your own expense.
My religious upbringing taught me that the Wicked are slothful, the Righteous toil.
What were you programmed to believe, and how does it shape your behavior?
Last Saturday, I woke up feeling like I might be coming down with something— I wasn’t sure what it was but I felt overwhelming fatigue. I canceled my own plans for chores and put myself to bed to go back to sleep.
How many times have you “pushed through” a sickness, knowing that you were probably making it last longer? What was the belief that caused you to do that?
By the afternoon, I noticed some guilt feelings coming up about resting even though I still felt very fatigued. In the past I might have smoked some pot to mute the feeling, but I don’t do that anymore.
How to Handle Your Feelings
So what did I do instead of numbing out?
First, I noticed my guilty feelings. Next, I allowed them to exist without judgment.
Then I asked myself some questions—
Did I want to feel guilty?
Was I trying to punish myself for laying around?
Did I maybe even enjoy that feeling of punishing myself by feeling guilty?
Or was I worried about other people not approving of me? (My husband who had been bustling around, or maybe that unknown observer?)
Was there anything I absolutely needed to get done that day, or was it okay that I continued to rest?
With this reflection, I then chose to release the feeling of guilt.
I continued with what’s called passive rest— sitting, or lying down without effort. (I was mostly napping.)
By evening, I was ready for what’s called “active rest”-- Brent and I grabbed some food from Burgerville, ate a new little neighborhood park called Errol Heights, and did some birdwatching.
Active rest for your body is low-intensity activity that promotes some movement, but no additional fatigue. Something like stretching, yoga, even a little bike riding.
Sunday morning I woke up completely refreshed. I was able to not only go snowboarding like we’d planned, but when we got back I had plenty of energy to do some of the chores I couldn’t do the day before.
How to Rest Your Mind and Spirit
It isn’t only your body that needs rest. Often it is your mind/spirit that need active or passive rest.
The go-to for many people is watching TV. That works sometimes, but are you making a real choice to watch TV, or is it an old behavior pattern that you fall into by default?
Watching TV may seem like a good idea because that’s what you’ve always done, but it doesn’t actually offer the same level of restfulness as other activities.
Why is that?
When you watch a screen, you go into a sort of trance, and you forget about your real life for awhile. But if you think about the pace of the images, sounds, storylines… it is nothing like real life! It’s waaaaaay faster. Your poor brain isn’t resting— besides everything else from your busy day, now it also has to process all of that.
Basically, you are sitting motionless, passively injesting content from a screen (or from scrolling) so your brain is trapped, forced to process an overload of input. It may be a distraction or entertainment, but screentime is more like a numbing agent or a sedative, not active or passive rest.
Examples of Passive and Active Rest for Your Mind and Spirit:
Meditation
Deep breathing
Nature walks, or even just sitting in nature– I have a spot on the couch where I like to stare out at the clouds or the treetops moving
Journaling
Listening to soothing music
Using essential oils or scented candles
Doing some kind of creative expression like collage, crafting, painting
Gentle exercise
Reading– one of my favorite things is to go to the main library in downtown Portland, (Which is remodeled and open!) and pick out some art books or other oversized books with a lot of pictures to leaf through
Light socializing with people you feel good around
What else?
The Journey
Over the years of my recovery journey, I’m:
Unlearning old patterns of productivity overcompensation followed by using substances as an “excuse” to rest.
Tuning in to my body, mind, and spirit to know when I need rest.
Learning to differentiate when I really need rest, and when I’m telling myself I need rest when really I’m just avoiding my responsibilities.
Learning how to incorporate activities into my life that are truly restorative.
Learning how to not feel guilty when I do take time for rest.
I believe that this work of creating a healthy relationship with rest is some of the most important work you can do for staying true to one of the best decisions you’ve ever made— your sobriety.
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May 5-11, 2024 I’m offering a 7 day media pause challenge that will help you not only work on your relationship with rest, but will give space to your creativity and intuition.
On May 11th, day 7, I’ll be offering a guided Threshold Walk. It’s a deeper experience of rest and intuition in nature— we’ll be at the beautiful Deschutes River State Recreation Area. More details to come!