Why I’m Serving Alcohol at My Next Party

A good friend of mine, who I’ll call Sam,  went through an arduous and expensive journey to become pregnant, and her child (who will be her only one) is due in May. 

Sam has her own health challenges, and she was confined to the house as she experienced a lot of nausea during the pregnancy, so this party-throwing, extroverted friend of mine has felt extra-isolated during the last year. 

A couple days ago, I got the urge to text Sam, who was on her babymoon in Hawaii, to ask how she was feeling about her shower. That’s when I found out that the friend who was set to host Sam’s intimate backyard baby shower just had a family emergency so she now won’t be able to host.

Sam told me that she was considering just canceling her shower altogether.

Knowing how much this once-in-her-lifetime social event means to her, I immediately offered to take over and host the shower on  my covered back patio.  

As we finished our conversation,I set down my phone, feeling grateful that I was able to step in.

I worked on putting my lunch together, and a quick mental slideshow of unrealistic Pinterest-worthy decorations and food was followed by a big question mark.

?BOOZE. 

I started an internal conversation, going back and forth quickly like a ping pong match between two different perspectives. 

Let’s not serve booze. Obviously Sam won’t be drinking alcohol, and neither will I. 

But many of her friends are regular drinkers.

Yes, but there will only be a few guests. 

So? More than two will want to drink. 

It’s a Sunday afternoon for Pete’s sake!

Your point is…? C’mon. Drinkers drink.

But this is my house, and I don’t want to buy and serve alcohol! 

You can have them bring their own. 

But what if they bring too much, or bring hard alcohol? 

You can’t control what they do. They could also show up stoned. 

Should I request that people not get stoned before they come? 

Really Naomi? Are you sure you can even handle hosting the party? 

Chuckling to myself, I sat down to do Wordle over lunch. 

A couple days later, I sat on the couch after cleaning up dinner with a cup of peppermint tea and a book I’d heard a lot about, but hadn’t yet picked up– Alan Carr’s Easy Way to Quit Drinking.

(As an aside, it is clear why some readers have pointed out that  Annie Grace’s This Naked Mind (which I loved), basically copies the structure of Carr’s book.)

As I thumbed through Easy Way, I found a section about socializing. 

What I read rang true for me. 

Carr writes about how drinking alcohol is actually anti-social, not social,  because of the way it changes the way people act. (“Yes!” my internal voice piped up. “This is why I don’t want to serve alcohol at the baby shower! It isn’t fair to the mother– she would rather that everyone is fully present and not in danger of acting unpredictable and ruining the event!”)

But then I read something else that also rang true for me.

People who drink alcohol are accustomed to drinking at all kinds of social functions. If they can’t, they will be miserable. 

That was the word that did it for me. MISERABLE. 

I remember being that person with an unfulfilled expectation of getting drunk. Because of that unbidden, unexamined, and unfulfilled desire, I wasn’t able to be fully present even if I wasn’t drinking.

Socializing without alcohol in certain contexts just felt like I was faking enjoyment. 

Although I don’t like being around people who are drunk or high, I also don’t want to host a party where the guests are miserable because they aren’t. 

Will I buy the alcohol?

No, I don’t think so. I can put someone else in charge of that.

But I will serve it.

My sobriety isn’t threatened by being around people that drink, I just don’t enjoy being around people who are drunk.

The non-alcohol selection will be desirable and fun for those that choose it, and the alcohol will be there to keep some guests from being miserable.

Do I feel sad how many people feel miserable in social situations without alcohol? Absolutely.

Am I going to accept that this is reality, stop worrying about it, and focus on making this a good baby shower? Yes, I am.