Vacation Sober? Just Watch Me.
But how can you go to Spain and not drink wine? My answer: Just watch me.
Back when I was a few months sober my brother had just moved to Spain, and I started bargaining with myself. What if I’m only sober while I’m in the US, but I’m allowed to drink when I’m out of the country?
I answered myself: You know, Naomi, some people would wonder how they could visit Portland and not have the local beer, or smoke weed. There will always be an excuse to drink or smoke pot.
If I could drink in Spain, why couldn’t I have a bottle of Spanish wine when I got back to remember the trip? And then what about other special occasions? I knew once I made an excuse to drink or smoke, I’d just be back to the world of negotiating with myself, and I was over it. Over. It.
Now I live by the motto “Never question the decision”, popularized by Holly Whittaker, author of Quit Like a Woman. Passing up alcohol or smoking is a fleeting discomfort, nothing compared to the tragedy of a life unlived.
While I was in Spain for three weeks in October, I saw people drinking all over the place--the outdoor cafes, restaurants, and bars--and saw and smelled people smoking pot many times,but I just saw it as something they were doing, not me.
Some people smoke cigarettes. Not me. Some have dogs. Not me. Some people stay up late at night. Not me.
I quit drinking and doing drugs because I didn’t want to go through this entire life as the person I was. I was insecure, ashamed, and felt like I had missed the boat, not gotten the memo, and was wandering without anything to anchor me. I thought a lot about how my father had never had a chance to fulfill his potential, when I was doing the same thing to myself.
I know why I drank and smoked pot, and I know exactly why I don’t do it now.
My last few days in Spain, I started reflecting on what my “tactics” had been to stay sober. But the truth is, it wasn’t that hard.
Everything I looked forward to on my trip had nothing to do with getting effed up, and I had taken the time to get very clear on my goals for the trip. A few times my brain presented me with the memory of the feeling I used to get from wine, but I know now that wine tasted so good to me in the past because it was relieving withdrawal caused BY the wine I’d had the night before. I’ve also learned that my thoughts and feelings are just thoughts and feelings, not commands I have to obey.
My intentions were to be fully present on this epic trip, and I was.
Today my husband asked me if I remembered a cabaret show we had gone to here in Portland in our first couple of years together. He described a few of the acts, including an acrobat in a bubble, and a man who ended up completely naked at the end. I have no recollection of any of it because I was most definitely completely stoned/drunk.
This month we are focusing on gratitude in the community. I was grateful for every moment of my time in Spain, I’m grateful for my past self for choosing this clearheaded life, and I’m grateful for all the work I’ve done to connect with my true human self. I’m also grateful for the women who show up at our community events to share, to witness each other, and to inspire.
If you are looking for strategies to combat cravings, this article has some good tips. It may sound scary because it uses the terms “withdrawal” and “addiction”, but anyone who has habitually drank or used drugs, or has binged over a weekend will often have cravings. It is totally normal.
My husband’s main strategy for cravings was to drink nonalcoholic beer, which was widely available everywhere. We also treated ourselves to a lot of gelato.
Remember, your sobriety is part of you, not situation-dependent. Wherever you go, there you are. It’s a wonderful feeling.