The Science is in— Sober People Rock

I absolutely love getting recommendations from trusted friends. The book Super Genes: Unlock the Astonishing Power of Your DNA for Optimum Health and Well-Being by Deepak Chopra and Rudolph E. Tanzi, Professor of Neurology at Harvard Medical School was one of those recommendations. In the book, there is a section called “lifestyle choices for radical well-being”. (Heeeeello sobriety!)

In the chapter on emotions, Chopra and Tanzi discuss a concept that was all the buzz in the 90’s, but is just as relevant today –  measuring emotional intelligence– EQ instead of IQ —which is the “ability to handle emotions intelligently”. The authors believe there is a strong correlation between EQ and happiness.

Here is the list of Seven Habits of High-EQ People the authors share.

You tell me if this sounds like any group of people you know (wink wink): 

1. They have good impulse control. 

2. They are comfortable with delayed gratification. 

3. They can see how someone else feels. 

4. They are open to their own emotions. 

5. They know how emotions work and where each one leads to. 

6. They successfully feel their way through life instead of thinking their way through. 

7. They meet their needs by linking with someone who can actually fulfill them. 

I had been trying to put my finger on what it is about being around the sober community that feels so darn good, and when I read this, I felt a sense of recognition.

This is me, and this is also WE. WE do these things!

Disclaimer: Do we do all these things perfectly all the time? Nope. Does every sober person have a high EQ? Nope! But many of the sober folks I know have these habits.

If you think about it, some of these were necessary to get sober in the first place (#1, #2), and some of them are necessary in order to just be a human living a fully conscious life (#3-6). In 12-step programs  #4 is called Emotional Sobriety.  

What’s so different hanging out with people with a high EQ?

The interactions feel authentic, because people with a high EQ are more self-aware.

They are also more aware of other people’s feelings, so you don’t feel like you need to be on guard.

I feel permission to share my own emotions without worrying about someone trying to caretake or change what I’m feeling, because they understand that all emotions are welcome and important. 

In the world of capital-D Drinkers, any emotion is a reason to Drink, and Drinking is the only way some people feel permission to show their emotions. I’m shaking my head, just writing that sentence because it’s such a harmful narrative. 

Emotionally intelligent people are more successful in life, and according to this book, enjoy a higher quality of life.

According to Daniel Kahneman, called the most influential living psychologist, people derive the most pleasure from activities that involve other people, and we derive the most satisfaction with life from having purpose.

So if the interactions with other people are authentic, with genuine regard for both the experience of self and other, and you have good impulse control and delayed self-gratification, which is how a person can reach significant goals in life, it makes sense that people with a high EQ would be happier overall.

What am I trying to say? Science proves what I already knew— sober people are awesome to hang out with. Case closed.