The Freedom of Never Questioning the Decision
When we walked into the busy restaurant, the hostess told us it was a 90 minute wait for a table… unless we wanted to sit at the bar. “Seats at the bar just came open,” she told us.
Yes please! We were hungry after a day of hiking, driving, and doing a hot pool/cold plunge experience in Olympic National Park, and couldn’t imagine waiting any longer than necessary.
As we sat at the bar, facing a wall with a “Drink alcohol!” slogan, sipping on NA beers and eating our fried pickle appetizer, my husband wondered aloud what folks in the My Sober Girlfriends community would think about this scenario.
I looked around to take in the noisy scene as I checked in with myself for any signs of discomfort or tension.
“I think the reason why this is completely okay for me,” I told him, “is that I don’t question my decision.”
“Having made what you know to be the correct decision, NEVER EVER question that decision.”
― Allen Carr, Allen Carr’s Easy Way to Stop Drinking
This is what works for me:
I don’t envy people who drink.
I don’t believe there is such a thing as “normal drinking”.
Anyone who thinks they need an addictive neurotoxin in order to enjoy themselves, relax, celebrate, mourn, sing karaoke, dance, cheer on a sports team, connect with another human, eat a meal– these are learned delusions. All the smiling and laughing that I saw around me at the bar didn’t fool me.
I believe that alcohol doesn’t hold any value for me. Period.
I am very clear about my why.
I believe that my path to self-actualization does not include alcohol or drug use. I care more about living a life that supports my values than “taking the edge off”. In fact, I think “the edge” is one of my greatest teachers.
I feel supported by something greater than myself. I’ve developed a relationship with my intuition and a deeper knowing, which has guided me to this incredible sober life.
I’ve learned to tune into and savor the more subtle states of being and sensing. Now I crave this way of being human.
I don’t need alcohol or pot use as permission to (fill in the blank with a means of self-expression).
Note: It took awhile for this mindset to become firm.
In my first year, I wondered if maybe I was only sober in the US, but not in other countries. In fact, I allowed myself to fantasize about getting drunk in Spain– but I didn’t stop at imagining myself at the dinner table in that first 20 minutes of pleasure– I envisioned myself feeling blurry and a little queasy walking down the street afterwards, passing out that night, and waking up full of regret the next morning (the “Play the tape forward” strategy).
Also, I didn’t keep my thoughts, aka plans about “slipping” a secret. I revealed them to people I knew supported my sobriety that I was considering drinking if I left the US, and they quickly told me that it was a terrible idea.
It’s amazing to me that I’ve gotten to this point of self-assurance.
Patience has always been a challenge (I’m working on it!), and it did take time for this ship to turn.