Lagom Keeps Me Sober

You’ve probably heard of Hygge, but have you heard of Lagom? 

The key concepts that convinced me to turn a one year experiment with sobriety into a life choice, oddly enough, were introduced to me through a transformational personal finance course, based in part on the book Your Money or Your Life, by Vicki Robin and Joe Dominguez. 

One of those key ideas is my personal definition of “enough”, or as the Swedish call it: Lagom. 

What is Lagom? 

Lagom is NOT rampant consumption, consumerism, gluttony, rat-race thinking. 

But on the other hand, Lagom is also NOT asceticism, self-denial. 

Lagom is about knowing and living with enough, or what is just-right. Just enough to be comfortable. Not too much, not too little. 

Lagom is about reducing the clutter that takes your time and attention, so you have more for what really matters to you. It’s about intentional balance. 

This is a philosophy of life, and I feel an incredible sense of peace and contentment from adopting it almost three years ago. 

Material Possessions 

I’ve done this with my physical possessions. My goal is that when I look around my home, I only want to see items that I use and/or love (that includes in drawers and cupboards). My husband and I purposely downsized from the duplex we were renting by purchasing a house with almost half the square footage. I sold, gave away, recycled, and threw away hundreds of items and it feels great. 

Clothing 

What about clothes? Someone suggested this video series about finding your style type, and it may seem weird that your style of dressing could be based on your energy type, but I swear it works! I’ve been slowly remaking my wardrobe to match my energy type and it made it so easy for me to let go of the clothing I’d been holding onto because I couldn’t figure out why I didn’t want to wear it. I now only bring in clothing that fits and that I like to wear. (And yes, my body has changed over the last year, so I’ll be putting some summer clothes into a bag for the members' clothing exchange party we’ll have in the fall). If you decide to watch the videos, I’m curious to know what energy type you think I am, and what you find out you are! 

Emotional Balance 

More than just physical possessions, Lagom is about looking at your life to figure out where to cut out areas that give you stress. What areas are weighing you down with negative emotions? 

One way to notice this is with check-ins throughout the day. Maybe you wake up in the morning and immediately turn on the news. How does that make you feel, weighed against the value you get from it? Do you get in pointless arguments on Facebook? Scroll through hundreds of Instagram accounts that leave you feeling empty or jealous? 

If it’s taking my time and energy, I want the value to be commensurate. 

Meditation? Yes, worth it. Filling my ears with podcasts all day so I can barely have my own thoughts? Not worth it. It is all personal, of course. What you find valuable will be different than what I do. 

People 

To which people will you gift your time and energy? Who brings value to your life in exchange? 

The Swedish also have a concept called Fika. It’s kind of like a coffee break here in the US, but it’s more than coffee and donuts, because it’s about taking a little break sometime in the day not only to nourish the body with a little treat, but more importantly, to nourish the heart with the company of friends. Fika is an important part of the day for the Swedish. To them, Fika is integral to balancing your energy in Lagom. Who would you like to spend Fika with? 

Making it Personal 

It is important to find what Vicki and Joe called “an internal yardstick for fulfillment” They write, “You can never have enough if you are measuring by what others have or think.”  

My Lagom, your Lagom, and your neighbor Nancy’s Lagom are all different. They also added, to be able to live by the concept of enough, another quality was having “a purpose in life higher than satisfying your own wants and desires, because you can never have enough if every desire becomes a need that must be filled.” (Your Money or Your Life p. 131)

Once I learned about Lagom, of course it made complete sense that alcohol and weed had no place in my life. Out they went, out they go, and out they will stay! 

During this in-between time of isolation to rejoining, we all have this incredible opportunity to cultivate Lagom in our lives. What will you do with it? Will you rush back into things without thinking, or will you take this once-in-a lifetime opportunity to slowly, deliberately, weigh what comes in and asks for your time and energy? Will you lovingly create your internal yardstick for fulfillment so you can tell… What is your personal Lagom?