“Hard” Changes When You Change

What's hard for you today? 

I was just thinking about how the definition of "hard" changes over time. 

When I was newly sober:

• Going to a Mexican restaurant and ordering an agua fresca instead of a Negro Modelo felt hard. 

• Sitting in front of my TV without a glass of wine in my hand felt hard. 

• Cleaning the house without being stoned felt hard. 

But I did it, and it got easier and easier. 

People who haven't been through this transition from drinker/drug user to being fully conscious all the time don't know what it's like. 

They may be able to relate to how hard it is to do something without alcohol or drugs, but they don't relate to the second part, which is the perseverance, commitment, and pride we feel on the other side of sticking to our decision. 

Six + years into this journey, my growth edge has shifted because my comfort zone has massively expanded.  

A couple of weeks ago, I sat right next to the service area of the bar counter at Shalom Y'All, where fancy alcoholic drinks were being made and passed to servers. 

I felt nothing but gratitude that I was no longer under the spell of alcohol and I wasn't stoned. 

Instead, I was fully present, able to savor the rich flavors and textures of the food, enjoy conversation, and the lively energy of the restaurant on a Friday night. 

I now feel 100% comfortable sitting at a bar sober because I've gone through the hard stuff. (Not that this needs to be a goal for you!) 

Here are some things that may feel hard to you about joining an event: 

--You don't know what the other people will be like who will be there. What will you think about them? 

What will they think about you? 

--You are afraid you won't feel like going when the event comes around. 

What if you want to stay home that day? 

--You are worried about feeling uncomfortable either physically or emotionally at some point. 

Wouldn't it be safer to just stick with what you know and not risk feeling discomfort? 

This is what I've learned: 

Yes, it's important to rest when needed and to be self-compassionate. AND ALSO. 

Both ancient wisdom and modern psychology tell us that if we don't consistently challenge ourselves, it makes us feel more depressed and anxious. 

Your comfort zone will shrink even more. 

My wish for you is that you get the most out of your sober life. You didn't get sober so everything could stay the same. You did it because you wanted something to change. 

Think about it-- what is something you've been telling yourself you can't do, but really you need to use Mel Robbins 5-4-3-2-1 trick and just do it? 

The definition of “hard” will change for you as you change. But only if you do the things you need to do to get there.