Five Years, No Cake.
Back in May, I hit five years sober. It feels like an immense milestone, and I’m proud as hell about it. Not just my sobriety, but everything I’ve done with this incredible opportunity.
Often, I drank and smoked weed because I was unhappy. I had this idea that I was in the wrong life. If only I’d been born in a different state instead of the most unpopulated state in the country— Wyoming. If only I’d been born to parents who weren’t Jehovah’s Witnesses. If only we hadn’t been poor. If only my dad hadn’t died.
If only someone had encouraged me to do that internship with the jewelry designer, or I’d worked at the local radio station instead of waiting tables at Fat Ed’s, or we’d had AP classes in high school.
Everything I thought was wrong with my life came from outside, from circumstances beyond my control.
Choosing sobriety set off a ripple effect of radical acceptance and responsibility for my life.
We took control of our money. We bought a house. I’m starting a new career as a nature-connected life coach.
And to make all this happen, I’ve been peering into all the parts of me I haven’t been proud of all these years, going through profound healing as I literally change my personality.
On my soberversary, I had just finished my last coaching training intensive. I was in Denver where my husband and I stayed with a friend for a couple of days before we were off to Iowa to see my in-laws.
My friend, and my in-laws are sweet people, but they definitely don’t get it.
They don’t understand my sobriety, how life-changing and momentous it is to reach my five years.
I didn’t even feel like I had the space and time to journal, or celebrate on my own in some way. It just got lost in the shuffle, and now part of me feels like a forgotten child left in the corner on her birthday.
Since I didn’t get to celebrate my birthday until I was 16 (JW’s don’t celebrate birthdays or holidays) I might be a little sensitive to missing out on celebrations!
Sobriety is one of the best decisions I’ve made for myself, and it was an act of taking control over where I’m going in a multitude of ways so watch out— because I’m going big next year!