Hosting Guide to Meaningful, Fun Social Events without Alcohol
The way we’ve evolved as a culture to insert alcohol into everything from baby showers to funerals is almost insulting if you think about it. How in the world did we end up here, brainwashed into thinking that no social event is complete without intoxicated guests? In fact, how many social events have you attended where drinking alcohol seems to be the activity?
Once you’ve retired the beer goggles, it becomes a lot more clear what the real problem is. Social events can be boring, not because you aren’t drinking, but because hosts are relying on booze to provide the fun. And in the meantime, everyone misses out on two of human’s most significant joys in life: creativity and connection.
In both my personal social life and through years of creating events and connection opportunities for the My Sober Girlfriends community, I’ve learned a lot about what it takes to create unforgettable, joyful, meaningful social events.
Here are my top tips:
Sober Social Gatherings as an Act of Love
Creating a truly meaningful social experience is an act of generosity. It's about taking the time and courage to do something outside the norm: crafting moments of genuine connection, understanding, and shared experience.
Planning Your Event: The 90% Preparation Rule
Most successful events are made in the planning. Here's how to create gatherings that people will cherish:
Start with Purpose
Ask yourself:
Why are we gathering? Is it to mark a special occasion? Why does the occasion matter? Is it for old friends to reinforce connection, or new friends to meet?
What value or belief drives this event? Is it a love for adventure? For laughter? General delight? Honoring an achievement or milestone?
What do you want to be different for people because they gathered? Do you want them to feel more relaxed? More joyful? Appreciated?
What is the mood/feeling of the event? Is it completely casual? Will people be dressed up? In a reflective mood? Festive?
The answers to these questions will guide your event.
Structuring Your Event: Beginning, Middle, and End
Beginning: The Transition
Help your guests transition from their everyday lives into the gathering— not by relying on alcohol, but by using methods that initiate a true state of relaxation, curiosity, playfulness, whatever it is you are going for.
Your goal is to support your guests in transitioning into a prosocial state— a relaxed nervous system.
Consider:
How can you support them in letting go of worries, and feeling cared for?
What shift in their state of being do you want to create? (Stress → Playfulness, Isolation → Connection)
To help with the transition, consider environmental cues.
Sound/Music:
Choose or create a playlist that evokes a particular mood.
Exceptions:
Using your phone for speakers— If all you have is your phone speakers to play music, don’t play music. Phone speakers only emit small soundwaves, which creates physical tension.
An event outside—If you are outside, consider not playing any recorded music. The best soundtrack might be the sounds of nature. Especially if you are in a park and there is other music within earshot, competing sounds put stress on our processing capacities.
For softer lighting, use lamps rather than overhead lights, or lights on a dimmer.
You bring the energy:
Plan ahead so that by the time your guests arrive, you are in the state you want to evoke in your guests, whether that be relaxed, playful, upbeat, reflective, etc. Energy is literally contagious.
Warmth in the hand = Warmth in the heart:
Greet your guests at the door, take their coats, and get a beverage in their hand. During the fall and winter months, I like to mix it up by handing them a mug of soup like creamy butternut squash and coconut milk or miso. According to research, a warm beverage in hand makes you feel warmer feelings towards the people around you!
Connection and Belonging: The Check-In
An intentional check-in is crucial to help them lay down whatever challenges they are coming in with. Everyone is arriving in some kind of state, and it’s helpful as the host to give them a chance to share both so you know where they are coming from, and they can help move it through their own energetic bodies.
This check-in is what helps your guests with that transition into a prosocial state.
If you are feeling brave and it’s appropriate, once folks have arrived, you can:
Ask everyone to circle up
Thank them for coming
Review the plan
Invite sharing using thoughtful questions like:
"How are you arriving?/How was it getting out the door?"
"What's a challenging project you’ve been working on recently?"
“How have you been having fun lately?”
Middle: The Main Event
This is the reason why you’ve gathered! Is it dinner? Seeing a performance? Having a book club discussion? Honoring an achievement? Laughing together while watching a comedy?
Before diving in:
Get "buy-in" from participants
Confirm the plan works for everyone
Address any questions or concerns
This is where your creativity can really shine. You’ve made a plan, but stay open, flexible, and responsive to changing needs.
Your guests may have ideas that make the event even better, weather may change, there are all kinds of variables. Stay focused on your reason for gathering and go with the flow!
Closing: Integration and Reflection
Create a sense of completion:
Group hug
Sharing circle
Reflection on favorite moments
Capturing a group photo
Your event is like a circle— Your guests entered, had an experience, and now are departing. If you can complete the circle with connection, your guests will leave carrying that feeling with them.
Other Details:
Crafting the Perfect Event Description
Your invitation sets the tone, and this is really where your event begins.
Include:
Who is this for?
What is the event?
Why are you offering it?
Specific time commitments
Logistical details (parking, equipment, etc.)
Hosting Wisdom: What to Expect
Remember:
Flexibility is key
Don't take RSVPs or cancellations personally
It can be helpful to have a co-host for support and encouragement
Handling Emotional Triggers as a Host
It’s possible that you might get emotionally activated by something that does/doesn’t happen during your event. It can happen while guests are there or when you reflect afterward, and it’s normal.
Here are some steps to take:
Notice what’s happening, and Pause
Take deep breaths to calm your nervous system
Ground yourself by drinking some water, walking outside to look at nature, petting an animal, etc.
Ask, "Is this a story I’m telling myself, or is it true?"
If you aren’t able to emotionally digest it yourself, bring it up with a coach, therapist, or trusted friend. Triggers are fears/pain that have been there all along, waiting to be activated, and brought to the surface so you can deal with them… so deal with them!
Over time, you’ll be triggered less and less, and when you are triggered you’ll notice and be able to release more quickly.
Final Thoughts
Hosting is a journey of growth, connection, and discovery. Embrace the process, stay curious, and remember that meaningful experiences transcend any substance.
I’ve done some of my most significant personal growth from hosting events, and found it incredibly meaningful. I think you will too.