One of the most important mindset shifts and skills that we have the privilege to learn in sobriety is knowing:

• When to rest

• How to rest your body, mind, and spirit in a way that is truly rejuvenating

(And on a bigger-picture scale, how do you create a balanced life where you are keeping things simple enough to not exist on that knife-edge of anxiety?)

Am I at rock bottom? I wondered as I Googled “Am I an alcoholic” and “Is weed addictive” for the hundredth time.

With each step, what sank in was that the expression of my true personality wasn’t welcome here. It was preferable for me to purchase something generic rather than put my time into creating something unique.

If I wanted to fit in– and I did— I’d better learn to fit in the way they wanted me to, because it wasn’t going to happen by me being my actual true self.

Night one: All I remember is being part of a group entering the largest, fanciest living space I’d ever seen. I felt like a country bumpkin who literally lived in a barn being brought into the mansion where the rich people lived. We may have sat in a circle. We probably had the sorority members ask us questions. I have this image of a blurry sea of shadowy faces, and I was just trying to take it all in.

But even after I’d had a full-body knowing that sobriety was a forever thing for me, some shadows of insecurity lurked in the corners.

How did I get from this place of mostly positive to my current 100% conviction that sobriety is one of the best choices I have ever made?

The person that you thought you knew when you were drinking/using is not the person you are now, and is not the person you will be tomorrow. What do I mean by that?

Every once in awhile, I stop into a Facebook group for sober women run by someone I know. She asked a question recently about whether anyone was experiencing stagnation after a year sober. I was interested to see comments like “I’m almost five years sober, and I’m bored”.

Now I don’t know the story of the woman who posted that comment, but to me boredom = comfort zone. This lady needs to get out of her comfort zone!

I was at a party, and I was really high. I had that giddy feeling from the first few minutes after smoking, plus I was at a house where most people were pot smokers so I decided to let my goofiness out.

Whatever it was I said or did, a friend of my husband’s looked right at me and said, “Wow, Naomi’s been smoking!”.

Immediately I contracted from chemically-induced exuberance to shame.

Goddamnit, I thought to myself. If I can’t even act stoned at a party full of stoners, what’s the point of getting high?

When I finally decided to give sobriety an honest, whole-hearted try, it was in the name of experimentation.

I know what it’s like to live this way: what is it like to live another way? Or as my grandpa used to say, “Been there, done that.”

I made a pact with myself to try it for one whole year. I saw it as a drastically different, completely uncharted mystery, full of possibilities.

I had been trying to put my finger on what it is about being around the sober community that feels so darn good, and when I read this, I felt a sense of recognition.